Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
