We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
