So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
