I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
