I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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