I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I want a musical about memes.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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