Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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