In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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