i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
