I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
