I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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