gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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