why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
