He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
