Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
