I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
