Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
