I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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