DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
