I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
