I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
