I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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