Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
