i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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