If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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