i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
