Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
