Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
