Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
