Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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