So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
FUCK WHALES
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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