I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
