I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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