birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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