You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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