if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
