I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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