just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
