i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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