why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Randomize
