So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
