so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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