I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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