dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My life is pants optional.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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