I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
