I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
