my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
