You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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