i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
