did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
