So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My dick has a subreddit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
