Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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