whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
