can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize