i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i would punch a child for taco bell
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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