I just cut my nipple shaving
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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