Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
