The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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