we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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