I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And then my night got REAL pukey
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize