Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
