Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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