he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
