..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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