We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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