i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
