There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
